Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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