Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
