just tell him i said nine months
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
