Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
