dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
