I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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