I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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