you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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