My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
