I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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