my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize