I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The air taste purple.
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