Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just had sex on a roof
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
