I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
