Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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