Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
