My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
