he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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