So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm too high and old for this...
that is very illegal...i love you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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