I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize