If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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