But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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