I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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