I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
