get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize