I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
