and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we made out on top of his cat.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize