My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
