I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
