Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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