like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
