that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
