I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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