people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
