I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
