my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
