dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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