So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
