No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
