I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
