he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize