I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
