Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
