i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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