please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize