i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
