Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
