I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
