Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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