It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
