Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
