The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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