When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
