i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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