You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
