We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
