right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
