I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
