i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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