I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize