Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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