PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
