you're like a bully in the Christmas story
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
