Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
