areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I love you. Go after that dick
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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