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he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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