Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
