and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize