he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
