it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
