you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
