Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
