Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
