I need help removing her.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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