you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
