Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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