Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
