I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
