Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
