Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
