yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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