Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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