yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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