i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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