if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
