hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
