Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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