Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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