I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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