i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
