I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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