i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
