you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
