No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
