dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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