I want to make a zoo with you.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
