Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
