I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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