oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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