fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
