I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
