my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
