Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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