You're completely useless in the revolution.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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